Cough Syrup and Bowties
by MnMaggie
Summary: Three high schools in three years, a boyfriend who s going off to college next year, violent tendencies masked by a dapper exterior, and implied daddy issues to boot.The bully magnet with a busted eye strikes back.
1. Chapter 1: List

**AN**

**As the title suggests, this is based off the last episode of glee "On My Way". It starts out pretty much following cannon, but there should be an AU point coming up soon (because I doubt Glee´s writers and I have the same plans).**

**As you also may have guessed, this is an agnsty, depressed!Blane fic. I´m rating it T because of mild language and subject matter.**

**So without further ado:**

**Chapter 1: List**

"_Make a list." _

_Blaine looked up at her, confused._

"_Whenever you feel down or depressed, make a list of all the things that make you happy." The elderly woman smiled. "Trust me, it helps"_

His last guidance counselors words rang in his ears as Blaine walked down the hall.

_Alright_, he thought, _a list, easy!_

_Well there's Kurt, my boyfriend. _He smiled at the word_. _Kurt was his boyfriend. He had a boyfriend and it was perfect, handsome, amazing Kurt.

_Now what else…._

Blaine thought for a moment.

_Well…I love singing. Yeah! The rush of being on stage, the emotion, the self-expression. Thank God McKinley had a glee club._

…

_Glee club! Its so much fun, and everyone is so nice and accepting. _He thought about his almost fight with Sam. _Big deal, I´m sure they´ve had tons of fights with each other! _He tried to think of one. _Ok, maybe not since I´ve been here, but hay! I´ve only known them for what? Four months? I´m sure they´ve had some fights, it can´t be just me. _

…

_And Sam and I are cool now, right? I mean, we haven´t talked to him since that "I´m not for sale" comment, but…it _looks _like Sam let it go…right?_

…

_Well, lets see, what else….Finn! Yeah! He doesn't hate me anymore! _He thought about that for a second , _"Doesn´t hate me anymore"? Yeah that's an accomplishment… _

He reached his locker. _Its not that he_ hated _me, _Thought Blaine, _he was just looking out for Kurt, right? Wonder why he couldn´t just come out and say it, that excuse was ridiculous. He´s jealous? Bullcrap!_

He shoved his books into the almost bare locker. After cleaning all of his stuff out of his first locker to move to Dalton, then clearing it all out again to come here, Blaine really didn´t see the point in getting too settled in this locker, he´d only have it for, what? Another year and a half?

_Do they switch lockers every year at McKinley? _He wondered. _Or do they just stick with the same one till graduation? _There where so many things he didn´t know about this school. He hadn't even found all the bathrooms yet. Kurt had been a big help though. In his first week, Kurt spent most of his free time showing Blaine around. Blaine had no idea what he would have done without him.

Without him.

Blaine sighed.

_Finn and Rachel are so lucky. _He thought. _ I wish Kurt and I were in the same grade. _

Blaine contemplated the year he had ahead. The only reason he´d transferred to McKinley was about to go off to college, then what? It´s not like he could go back to Dalton, not with Sebastian still there.

_Unless he´s a senior._ Blaine reminded himself. He sighed again, staring blankly into his locker.

_No, not even then. I´m a traitor, I abandoned them to go join another glee club. We went head to head with them in competition and ruined their chances at nationals. No, they´d never take me back._

Blaine rubbed his eye. Then a soft hand touched his.

"Does it still hurt?" asked Kurt.

"Nah, I´m fine." Blaine smiled, but Kurt wasn´t listening.

"That son of a bitch." He shook his head "I can´t believe he got away with it."

Blaine suppressed a snort.

_Oh, please, you had the evidence, you could have gotten him arrested if you´d wanted to. _Blaine never understood why they gave him the damn tape_. "The high road" they said. News flash! It´s not sneaky and underhanded to report a crime. It wouldn´t ´ve be you getting back at him, it would´ve Sebastian sending someone to the hospital and getting in trouble for it._

Blaine shook his head. _It´s not like Sebastian getting in trouble would have made it hurt any less._

_And hey! At least the surgery went well! That's another one for the list, what am I up to now? Four? _

"I went to go see Dave at the hospital yesterday." Kurt said quietly.

"Oh yeah? How´s he doing?" He´d only met him twice, and almost gotten in a fight with him both times, but he still kind of felt bad for Karofsky.

Coming out had been one of the hardest things he´d ever done, and he knew how much it hurt to be harassed at school and get disapproving looks and talks from his family, _every single day_ was. He didn´t blame Karofsky for wanting it to end.

"He seems to be doing better." Kurt interrupted his thoughts "I had him do that ´think about something you're looking forward to´ thing Mr. Schue had us do…" Kurt trailed off and bit his lip, "I´m still worried about him though…" His eyes got watery "Why didn´t I just answered my damn phone…"

Blaine put his arm around Kurt and caught a few disapproving glances from up and down the hall. He ignored them for Kurt though.

"I´m sure he´ll be fine" Blaine soothed. "He´s got someone like you looking out for him doesn´t he?"

Kurt smiled in spite of himself.

"and after all this, I´m sure he can get some help. Did you give him the number for the Trevor project?"

"Of course"

"Good." Blaine felt a pang in his chest. Jealousy? He pushed it down and smiled at Kurt "Your really helping him, you know that? "

Kurt gave a reluctant smile and rubbed his eyes. He looked like he was about to say something when the bell rang.

They stood for a moment, almost awkwardly.

"Well, we should get to class" Kurts broke the silence. "See you at lunch?"

"Of course." Blaine smiled. _Who else would I sit with?_

Blaine closed his locker and walked to his next class. Alone in a crowded hall.

"_All around me are familiar faces,_

_warn out faces, warn out places._

_Bright and early for the daily races,_

_Going nowhere, going nowhere."_

_What the Hell am I doing here? _ He thought

_And I find it kinda funny,_

_I find it kinda sad._

_The dreams in witch I´m dying are the best I've ever had._

He passed Kurts class room and looked inside.

_I find it hard to tell you,_

_I find it hard to take._

Kurt doesn´t see him.

_When people run in circles _

_It's a very very,_

_Mad World…_

The hall emptied out as everyone got to their classrooms. Blaine had math.

_Went to school and I was very nervous _

_No one knew me,_

Blaine remembered his first days at Dalton

_No one knew me,_

_Asked the teacher ´tell me whats my lesson?´_

_Look right through me, look right through me._

He looks around at his new class mates. The teacher drones.

_And I find it kinda funny,_

_I find it kinda sad._

_The dreams in witch I´m dying are the best I´ve ever had._

He´s back in the hallway again, alone.

_I find it hard to tell you,_

_I find it hard to take!_

He makes it to lunch to see most of the New Directions sitting together and laughing about something, like he and the Warblers use to, like his friends at his first high school use to.

_When people run in circles it's a very very,_

_Mad World…_

_(It's a Mad World…)_

He sits down at the table without bothering to get something to eat. Tina and Santana begin to sing back up without even looking at him.

Mad World!

(Mad world)

Mad World!

(Mad World)

He´s back in the halls, alone.

Mad World….

The bell rings and students fill the halls just as the last few notes fade into nothing. Blaine is lost in a sea of faces.

**AN.**

**So what did you think? Reviews are always welcome, as you can tell, I need all the help I can get. XD**

**I´m going to be trying to incorporate songs the way the show does. I think they said in one of the interviews that all the songs in Glee had to be "real" (Onstage, in the choir room, in the car, ect.) or in their heads. That sound right?**

**Any thoughts on how I can integrate the songs better would be greatly appreciated. =)**


	2. Chapter 2: Cellphone

**Chapter 2 : Cell Phone**

Blaine dropped his back pack as he walked into his room, the picture of composed until the door was firmly shut behind him and he flopped, face first onto the bed.

_Why am I so tired?_ He wondered idly.

Kurt had a NYDA thing to go to. An interview, or practice, or….. something. Blaine forgot. He shook his head. That was exactly the sort of thing a boyfriend is supposed to remember. _Bad Blaine!_

He rolled over and reached for his phone, he wanted to talk to someone.

_I have a really nice cell phone. _Blaine added that halfheartedly to his list before flipping open the phone and dialing one of the few numbers he knew by heart.

It didn´t even ring, just went straight to voicemail.

"Hi, if you're not trying to call Cooper Anderson, hang up. If you are, leave a message and I´ll get back to you."

The message ended and Blaine hung up before the tone. He didn´t want to leave a message (what would it say?), he just wanted to talk.

He scrolled through his contacts and came to David's name first. Wes and David. Blaine hadn't talked to them since that slushie sent him to the hospital, but they had been his best friends at Dalton. Maybe they´d still talk to him.

**Hey! What´s up?**

He sent the text to both of them at once, hoping at least one of them would reply.

Blaine waited for a few minutes.

He felt pathetic waiting by the phone so he got up and walked around. After running out of space in his room, he sat at his computer, turned on some music and checked Facebook, then his E-mail… Nothing.

Blaine sighed.

He stared at the phone, as if he could will someone to call him.

When the phone obstinately remained silent he went over and flipped through his contacts. Most of them where Warblers. Blaine bit back emotion and skimmed over them, if Wes and David weren´t talking to him, Blaine doubted any of them would.

_Lets see, who else?_

There was his Dads number… His moms…. A Taxi service….Finn.

Finn?

_Ok, why not?_

**Sup man?**

He waited again. He felt stupid again. Just as he got up to change the song, the phone beeped and Blaine dove for it.

**Srry Dude, Cant tak now!**

_Can´t? Or don´t want to? _He wondered. _Oh well, at least Finn texted back, that's more than I can say for my "friends"._

Blaine tossed the phone, not really caring where it landed. He closed his laptop, felt for the stereo remote and hit play. He liked the music on his stereo better, the sound quality was better anyways. Blaine pulled his pillow a little closer so that he could lie down comfortably as P!nk´s Family portrait gushed through the speakers. He knew his hair gel would get all over the bedding if he didn´t wash it out before lying down, and that his clothes would get all wrinkly, but he didn´t care. He just wanted to sleep and never wake up.

One song faded out and before the next started, it was silent for a moment.

_I should be happy. _He thought_. I´ve got Kurt, the New Directions, a nice house with nice things, friends…._

_Friends who don´t text me back, a nice empty house with nice little bribes, and I´ll get all the solos I want once practically everyone I know here graduates, yeah, life is fucking perfect._

As if on cue, their song started playing.

Made a wrong turn

Once or twice

Dug my way out, blood and fire...

Blaine turned his head and looked at the picture of Kurt on his night stand. Well, it was really a picture of both of them, but Blaine only ever saw Kurt, grinning beneath his prom queen crown, plastic scepter held high.

_And we get to go to senior prom this year. That's something to be excited about, right?_

He stared at the picture of Kurt. He had been so ready. Ready to tell Kurt how he felt, to ask him for help. Maybe he didn´t even need help, maybe he just needed to get this off his chest. He had the perfect song picked out. He had always been better at communicating with music than his own feeble words. But when he got Kurt there… he choked. He said it was just another idea for regionals. _Stupid!_

_I can´t blame him for not seeing it. I mean, I all but told him there was nothing to look for. _Blaine rolled over. The headache that had never completely gone away in the past few months was back full force, banging on his temples like something was trying to break free of his skull.

_I blew it, _thoughts he hadn´t allowed himself to think came bursting forth, _my last chance to talk to him about this. No one's going to care after what happened to Karofsky. And why should they? My problems pale in comparison, I chose to switch schools, and it´s been years sense I was bullied that badly.. Karofskys problems are bigger, more important, more…__**now**__, he´s the one that needs help._

Karofsky. Everyone was talking about him. Kurt thought it was his fault, Quinn thought it was selfish, Mercedes didn´t understand it, but no one mentioned how brave it was_. I mean, it was terrible, I can only imagine what was going through his head, but it´s got to take a certain amount of courage to make a decision like that. To take control back._

Blaine looked into his closet. He´d heard Karofsky tried to hang himself with a belt. _I could never do that. _Blaine thought. _Hanging seems like the worst way to die, if your neck doesn´t snap, you´d wind up dyeing from lack of air. _Blaine remembered the time his brother landed on him in the pool, just as he was coming up for air. It was possibly the most scared he´d ever been, he thought he was going to drown. His chest and throat **burned** for the air he couldn´t get. _ That's not how I want to go. No, I´d chose something quick, painless. I wouldn´t want time to regret…._ Blaine looked at the window.

He shook his head and searched the floor for where his phone had landed. _There´s got to be SOMEONE I can call. _He thought irritably. He picked up the phone, flipped it open and started flicking through his contacts again.

Warbler…. Warbler…. Mom...Warbler … Sebastian...

Blaine scowled, rubbing his still sore eye. Sebastian had made him feel connected to the Warblers again. It was the first place he´d felt accepted and even wanted after he came out. He was only there for a year or so though, not long enough to make many lasting friendships. Few of them really stayed in contact. But then Sebastian took his hand and pulled him into that dance number, and suddenly, he was back with all his friends, a part of something, like nothing had changed. And it wasn´t just that one song, Sebastian was his connection to his old school from that day on, giving him the latest Warbler news, keeping him updated on events, inviting him places. He made him feel wanted .

_He seemed so nice… too nice, I guess. Of course, he didn´t really like me, he was just trying to get information out of me, and it worked. _Blaine thought miserably.

Blaine considered erasing his number, but settled for just not calling him.

He resumed his search, but it was useless. He hadn't exactly been popular at his first high school, the people who didn´t stop talking to him when he came out, started avoiding him when he became everyone else's favorite punching bag. Blaine knew he could probably still call Joni, or James, maybe even Jake…not Nick though.. His thumb rested above the "Call" button beside Joni´s name, but when the screen went black, he didn´t turn it back on, it just hurt too much. He´d spent 10 years of his life in one school district, with the same kids, and he left all of them behind when he transferred to Dalton.

_They left me behind first. _He thought, but his anger had long sense faded. _The phone works both ways… _He grumbled, but in the end, he understood why they stopped hanging out with him. Why would anyone?

Another silence as another song ended.

_I don´t regret coming out._ He reminded himself. _I´m proud of who I am. _A tear began to form at the edge of his eye. He rolled over and buried his face in the pillow. _I have Kurt, I don´t have to hide anymore, and people are starting to accept me for who I am, not who I pretend to be. I´m happy. _But he couldn´t hold back the tears.

You know I try to be

All that I can

The next song and began without Blaine even noticing, but when those familiar lyrics filled the room, he stiffened.

But there's a part of me

I still don´t understand.

A 12 year old Blaine stands alone on the middle school stage, jittery with nerves and searching the talent show audience. The music has started already, but he just stands there. Frozen.

When my world goes crazy

You won´t let go.

_Where are you?_

When the ground gets shaky

Your giving me hope.

When he can´t find who he´s looking for, he bolts offstage. He missed his cue, he´d made a fool of himself in front of everyone, and his dad hadn't even showed up to see the song that was meant for him.

When I try to push you away

You never move!

_Yeah, he didn´t move when I pushed him away, he waited till I needed him, then he left._ Blaine thought bitterly. He fumbled for the remote and hit "Stop", cutting off the song and the flashback with the press of a button. Why did he even still have that song? Then, without even bothering to change or wash up, Blaine fell asleep.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.<strong>

**Thanks for reading! I´m going to try and update at least once a week, I´ve got the next few chapters outlined a general plan for the rest of the story.**

**Blaine has such a dapper exterior, its easy to miss the little insecurities, but they´re there alright.**

**Reviews make my day, so if you have any thoughts , please feel free to share! =)**


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